3.11.16

I wake up.
I don't have the strength to drag myself out of bed.
And why should I anyways?
What is the point of this auto-pilot I have myself on?

I stare at the ceiling.
I stare at the poster on the wall facing the bed ; ever since my baby sister mentioned it, it has always seemed to me like there was a rat coming out of Paul McCartney's open mouth.
I want to tear the poster.

I roll over.
There are flowers on my bedside, miniature lilac daffodils, "I wandered lonely as a cloud", I laugh to myself and push them away, out of sight.
There are two tiny scented tealights on the table too.
The candles liquify as they lit, how metaphorical!

With the tealights lie the matchsticks.
Ah! how about setting the room on fire?

I see no point in getting up, in running in this rat race , in living.

But I must.

I get up, I part the curtains to let in the feeble smog-infused sunlight.
Ah, even the sun has decided to desert me today I wonder.
As a person easily amused by self, happy in solitude, I felt perplexed to be standing there, looking out the window, feeling so lonely, so empty.

They are building apartments a few blocks away and I see a man on the rooftop, he looked at the sky and then below.
I wondered if he was planning on jumping.
I almost whispered, "Jump"
You jump and I will set the room on fire, the show will go on.

Turns out he was shouting instructions to someone below.
I turn around to go and brush my teeth too.

But then I hear a chirp.
And then another.
I turn around and I just can't stop the tears.
Warm, happy tears ,making me feel ashamed of my thoughts, of my selfishness!

ALHAMDULILLAH!

Ever looked at the sky and seen that cloud, that giant-gay-turtle-floating-aimlessly-in-the-light-blue-sky-cloud and wondered if it was put there just for you?
For you to see on a lucky Sunday afternoon?
For you , so you could quietly hum Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world" to?
For you , so you would just be overcome with joy and exclaim "Subhan Allah"?

This is how I felt, to see these rare birds, showing up to keep me company.
To make me see the point in getting up, in running in this rat race and in living.

From that day on wards, never have I witnessed any sort of animals outside my window again.
Miracles happen people!
Perhaps to remind you that He, as distant as He may seem, is closer to you than your own self.
And at times like these, He will make you shut your eyes and whisper to yourself , "Do not leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye"
Ameen.