Unless she has been dreaming about carefully hidden blood dabbed tissues behind the sink , the exact second , the very moment she wakes up, she is always happy.
It
takes time to get accustomed to the faint sunlight streaming through
the dark blue curtains and to recognize the voices of all the people
around.
The walk from the bed to the washroom sink is all it takes for everything to return back to her mind.
The walk from the bed to the washroom sink is all it takes for everything to return back to her mind.
And
by the time she runs her clammy hands over the tap handles, she is sick
already , more willing than ever to vomit out the contents of her mind
into the abyss that lies beneath the hair clogged sink bottom.
The blue goat takes in the bloody red sunset through her emotionless eyes.
She drools over the the blades at the paying counter at the nearby shop.
Red, blue , green , they come in all boxes.
She is equally repulsed by the person staring back at her in disgust through the front mirror as she is by her thoughts.
The blue goat takes in the bloody red sunset through her emotionless eyes.
She drools over the the blades at the paying counter at the nearby shop.
Red, blue , green , they come in all boxes.
She needs to hold one.
In her mind she is always slashing herself , the legs , always the legs.
What beautiful things , sharp objects.
The ends of
the so many broken coke bottles on the rooftop, the mirror , the foot
scrubber , the nail filer , the metal tab from her soda can , the fruit
knife.
The blue goat takes a bite at a tuft of grass.
Harm yourself?
What for?
Cause everyone is doing it.
Is that a good enough reason?
What for?
Nothing.
She is bored.
She wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she wants to know how it feels to bleed.
She yawns.
The blue goat takes a nap too.
Cutting is but such an unimaginative activity.
When you can control your thoughts ,why drive them away only to wait for them to return later?
If you could focus at a rose in your mind and focus only and only on that rose , why feel the urge to make bodily pain take up all the space?
No one could answer that for her because for some, they couldn't focus on the rose , for others only thorns could be imagined , no roses.
Never roses.
There was no goat , is no goat.
Blue goats don't exist you see, neither do they give out blue cheese.
Blue cheese , you would find in aisle no. 3.
A little to the left , yes.
Cheese in the cold storage , blades on the counter.
Its an easy life.
She could take a nap , or swim or keep obsessing over an idea she wasn't going to act on anyways.
In her dream the popcorn guy at the cinema keeps handing out cotton to everyone.
Not cotton candy , but cotton to clean.
Goats sleep dreamless sleeps , as bearded shepherds look over them.
Not cotton candy , but cotton to clean.
Goats sleep dreamless sleeps , as bearded shepherds look over them.
Cutting is but such an unimaginative activity.
When you can control your thoughts ,why drive them away only to wait for them to return later?
If you could focus at a rose in your mind and focus only and only on that rose , why feel the urge to make bodily pain take up all the space?
No one could answer that for her because for some, they couldn't focus on the rose , for others only thorns could be imagined , no roses.
Never roses.
There was no goat , is no goat.
Blue goats don't exist you see, neither do they give out blue cheese.
Blue cheese , you would find in aisle no. 3.
A little to the left , yes.
Cheese in the cold storage , blades on the counter.
Its an easy life.
how i wish i could flush all the blades in the world in the ocean so that the blue goat could sleep a night of normality, a dreamless, harmless night.
ReplyDeletewell done,Amna,you made me ache.